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Let’s do this.

I’ve been known to have moody Novembers. I announce disclaimers when November’s right around the corner. My friends know better that I’m not my usual self. The blues set in rather early. Birthdays just don’t come easy for me. I like birthdays and birthday celebrations, just not my own.

But things were surprisingly different this year. It was light and blissful.

I had nothing ostentatious or grand planned. I don’t travel during my birthdays, nor do I feel like partying out and drinking in a club full of strangers. My idea of an awesome evening is a gathering of people — my people — over good food and happy conversations. Drinking used to add tons of fun to the night, being a social lubricant and all, but I think my friends and I are getting old. There is drinking, less of it, but the crazy stayed. Maybe our crazy doesn’t need the booze in the first place after all.

It was a five-night streak this year. I prefer to celebrate each night with my little circles. You see, when it comes to relationships, I call myself ‘diesel’. I’m friendly, of course, but it takes a while for me to really warm up to anyone. But once I let somebody in, I’m like the mafia, it’s gonna be hard for you to get out. People would initially think I’m quiet, the type who seems friendly because I smile a lot, but not one who’s chatty. But if I had a peso for each time one says, “madaldal ka pala“, I’d be loaded. Once you’re in one of my little circles, be prepared to hear me talk. My friends now have the habit of dropping my place short-noticed, and just doing talkshows — til 3 am!

And yes, my little circles. I don’t really like one big ‘mixed-nuts’ party. I want to spend time with people who are comfortable with each other. I want everybody in one circle to know what each talks about — or in the case of my hs friends, screams on top off each other’s lungs. I hate it when I feel left out of the conversation because of a sordid backstory I know nothing of, so I try to avoid that situation for those I care for. Little circles are effective, and a good excuse for having so many “parties”.

I’m particularly proud of the ones I have. I always welcome a new person, but I keep my chosen ‘family’ small and tight — quality over quantity. With the sheer number of people who I come across with in this lifetime, I thank my lucky stars for those who I really clicked with — and really, really try to hold onto them, as long as they let me.

More than the parties themselves, my last birthday was a celebration of my relationships. I guess that is what getting a year older did to me — take a step back, ponder where I stand and what I value.

Wiser. I am hopeful.

I mean, can you blame me? Clouds!

I was probably staring at another cloud gathering when Sealdi gave me a nudge and directed my short attention span to a sign outside the window. It was for a local school advertising for new students. The school: Misamis Oriental Institute of Science and Technology.

I turned to the other side of the aisle and asked, “Maya, gusto mo bang maging MOIST student?“

High school giggling ensued.

Nelson+Susan. 10.24.10

Maybe, the pain was slowly creeping in sometime the night before, but I was on an adrenaline high on that 12+hour day and was in total fight mode. Not that I had to be — I wanted to be. Be in the moment that is. It was my first wedding shoot! That thought in itself would send me to pause for a moment, but just what I need to learn quickly, taking “moments” that does not involve triggering that shutter is unforgivable. In weddings, there are many moments, but all of those happen just once. No second takes.

Nelson+Susan. 10.24.10

I have never, in my life, been so afraid of scanning though my SD card for shots as I had been with this shoot. I came for a genre, a hobbyist for that matter, that allowed me to take all the time in the world to get the shot I wanted. I would waste so much space in the card to frame that line so that it would fall where I want it to fall. I am a stickler for perfect horizons. I have to admit, that was one of the hardest, and one of the first things I had to let go. But as my awesome mentor would put it, sometimes, the weird angles work.

Nelson+Susan. 10.24.10

And yes, my mentor. Honestly, I still couldn’t believe my luck when I got that email. And that he was willing to meet up with me. And that he allowed me to shoot his couple, all in a span of a week! All I had was a stream of landscape shots to show for, and told him right off the bat that I knew next to nothing about portraiture, let alone wedding photography. I think my exact words were, “I am scared of wedding photography”. So you could just imagine how floored I was when Atty. Raymond Fortun actually said he’ll take me in as an apprentice, and all I got for instructions on my first shoot was “to make as many mistakes as I can.” Amazed. Thankful. But mostly, floored.

Nelson+Susan. 10.24.10

And mistakes I did make. Now, I could get away with saying, naah, I’m a natural and take my blunders to the grave, but who am I kidding, right? I was used to shooting landscapes, so my first goal was not to make the couple look like trees. I would extremely suck if that would be the case, since Nelson and Susan were gorgeous. Like tall model-gorgeous. And in my “saling-ketket”, (which I am calling) “hobbit perspective”, makes them stunningly lengthy. I found myself planted on the floor most times, taking extreme caution not to block the team or get in their frame. There were a number of times when I had bad light, and have no strobes to save me. I was also kicking myself when I had the wrong lens on in beautiful set-up. Or clicking  the shutter a second too late in an important shot. I’ve lost count on the number of lessons I’ve picked up that day, but I know that one of them entails making it work, no matter what. There should be no excuses.

nelson+susan. 10.24.10

The leg pain has subsided and I fairly know now what to expect. 871 shots and I found less than a couple of hundred I can work with. I’ve got a long way to go in this organized madness that is wedding photography, but I’m happy, and overwhelmingly grateful I was allowed to make my first step into it. I’m getting a feeling that this would be one cool ride. As one supplier puts it, “Linggo linggo akong kinakasal!” Ain’t that sweet? Yes, looking forward to one cool and sweet ride.

Slideshow here.

Especially when it comes to light.

I am not getting ahead of myself and go on talking about fashion or glamour photography. I have to work on my people skills on that — which sort of explains my love for landscapes. Sure, for most of the people who go into flash photography, that is the end game. But I have my own twisted little reason why I find myself salivating over strobes lately.

Lighting is an exercise over control. In a studio setting where I can manipulate where the light and how much of the light will fall on the subject, I somehow get to play god. I have never been as consumed, willingly at that, as I was while I was chasing a lighting concept.  I have never been as technically anal  as I was, going total geek with the lighting ratio and f/stops. It was nice to follow rules for a change.

But of course, I am so looking forward to breaking them.

Of course, it has its inevitable pitfalls. Dictating all the restraints and thinking that I nailed what I had in mind is extremely rewarding, and then I chimp at the LCD and I realize that whatever illusions of me being at par with the lighting gods is still a million burst of flashes away. They say that when in a studio set-up where a photographer is almost omnipotent, a crappy picture is a tragedy. Believe me, when I was doing my lay out, in the presence of my generous teacher, in my mind, the minimum goal is to not suck.

So, this is me falling for a new obsession. Strobist, the early days. I am going to make strobes love me…make it love me…yeah, story of my life.

First output. Ken Go Lighting Workshop. September 2010.